dos anos

The mister and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary this past week.  We decided it feels like 2 years have gone very fast, and at the same time, it's hard to imagine my life before Ben.  Not that I can't remember, but it just feels weird to remember life without him.  

Some random thoughts about marriage.

The oneness God gives to married couples seems like a miracle.  You are 2 separate people, even through engagement, though you might be inseparable.  But something happens when you get married - He knits your hearts together in a new way.  It takes time to adjust, yet it happens immediately. 

Our communication skills have grown exponentially since we said our I-do's.  I don't think we had any idea how differently we communicated until about 4 or 5 months into the first year.  Let's just say I process verbally, Ben processes mentally.  And that's just where the differences begin :) We've come a long way, thank the Lord, but we're still learning.

We read a book or 2 before marriage that helped us think through some things.  I think the most helpful things we discussed before marriage were expectations (in a number of areas of life) and finances.  Realizing we had expectations about various things (small and big) and discussing them made for less unpleasant surprises (and fights) these past 2 years.  Don't get me wrong... we're still discovering new things about each other frequently!  For better or worse :)

Finances - praise the Lord he's helped us be in agreement in this area and establish good habits early on.  While we aren't perfect at spending and budgeting, it is an area we are constantly trying to get better in.  Even thinking about it is a good start.  God has been faithful in meeting our needs and teaching us how to manage money. 

We're learning how to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

Marriage exposes the real you like no other relationship on earth.  I couldn't have realized that before getting married.

Ben says thank you for every meal I cook.  It makes me feel appreciated. 

Sometimes, I go a mile-a-minute and it overwhelms Ben.  I've learned to recognize it and slow down in those moments.  Usually the moment of realization goes like it this:

           me: am i overwhelming you

           ben: a little

           me: ok.  [slowing down]  then we both laugh.

   

It's fun to have a friend who shares all your secrets, good and bad.  A friend you can say anything to.  A friend where there's never any judgement.  A friend to tell you like it is, no walls or fences or barriers.  Marriage is a blessing.  



we celebrated with a picnic... a little sparkling lemonade for this pregnant lady.

Cheers to 2 years!

we spent the afternoon relaxing together then we pooped out for the 10:00 fireworks show across town.  we went for ice cream and watched our wedding video instead :)

in love,
renee

Cheap Food!

A recent endeavor of mine is seeing how cheap we can eat while still eating food we like.  i.e. I know we could eat for about $5.00/ week if we ate pasta w/ jarred spaghetti sauce every day.  But let's face it, that is not going to happen any time soon.

Mission: eat a variety of meals, try new recipes, bake snacks for students, and still keep it in our budget.  our tight budget.  

Added challenge: I am usually teaching from 3:30ish until 6:30 or 7:30.  We share one car so I go pick Ben up from school when I'm done w/ lessons and then we head back home for dinner.  It's 7:30 or 8 by that time... so the other part of this mission is finding food that can be prepped ahead of time i.e. when I have time to make it in the morning.  (and I'm definitely not complaining about this at all.  we like our schedule and our 1 car.  just learning to adjust cooking accordingly.)

Things I'm trying/ learning:

1.  I make my menu plan for the week (or for 2 weeks) based off of the Hyvee (grocery store) 3 day specials & get everything else at Walmart.  if chicken is on sale, we eat something with chicken.  if beef is on sale, beef it is.   Usually more than one main meal ingredient is on sale.  I plan what I'm making around that & use similar ingredients across the board.  This doesn't take as much time/ planning as I thought it might. 
2.  Walmart brand is usually cheaper - even when I have a coupon for the regular brand.  The only things we are particularly choosy about are cereal, orange juice, butter substitute, toilet paper, and probably some others that I can't think of right now.  Everything else, we get generic.  And all those things, I buy only with coupons.
3. Stack manufacturer coupon with store coupon with sale.  Bingo!  This doesn't happen very often and I don't spend a ton of time couponing, but when it does, I feel great :) 
4.  buying fruits and veggies that are in season is cheaper than, for example, trying to get pineapple and watermelon in January in the midwest.  it is what it is. 5  frozen fruit for smoothies goes a long way - snack, breakfast, or lunch!
6. yogurt in big container instead of little ones.
7. i am trying to snack on the fruits and veggies that are in season rather than junk food.  junk food is SO expensive.  seriously $3 for a bag of chips or 33 cents/ lb of bananas.
8. Leftovers. [happy sigh]  Ben eats leftovers almost every day for lunch so we don't buy a lot of lunch food (deli meat, bread, etc...)
9. Soups go along way on the budget :)
10.  I try to make things that call for ingredients we already have around - like marinaded chicken with oil, vinegar, herbs, or cheese, eggs, etc...
11.  i try not to make another trip until we are out of food. seriously.  we go through all the pasta before I go back to the store.  Some people buy in bulk on the sales.  For just the 2 of us, I've found that it makes more sense to only buy the things on my list for that week's meals and eat until it's all gone.  If I plan for 5 days of meals, but we end up getting dinner with friends one night and eating a frozen pizza, then we just keep using what we have until it runs out.  i think this saves us a lot of money.  although i can see how this strategy might change with little ones around.  [also i think we waste less food this way]
12. some meals are cheaper than others. and we don't go over in food budget for the month.  so sometimes we eat tuna casserole, spaghetti, or pancakes.  :)
13. we don't keep a lot of fun drinks around.  wah wah.  i love fun drinks - juices, teas, coffees, sodas, all of it!  Ben likes pop too!  but we just don't really buy it.  Lemonade on sale in the summer and OJ.  other than that, it's just coffee and water around here.  And the cheap maxwell house coffee that comes in a big container on sale for $8. Not the 1lb of dunkin donuts coffee that is $10/bag.  little changes go a long way.
14. we pay cash for food.  as I count it out at the register, I am very aware of how much we are spending on food, and how much we are able to spend on food... and how big of a difference a couple bags of chips and a couple 12-packs of soda makes.
15. Don't eat out.  We are minimizing the amount we eat out.  i.e. PB & J with an apple on the go when we're rushing out the door to small group instead of fast food.  Peanut butter = $3.  Jam = $3.  Bread =$3.  PB&J lasts about 3 months around here... those containers are huge!  Bread every other week at most.  So, $24 for 3 months of PB & J on thursday nights or $12 minimum for a stop at Jimmy Johns. The math is easy.  The discipline is NOT!  This is new for us and we are not even close to mastering it... just working on it one week at a time. 

not sure why I felt the need to share all this.  sometimes it helps me to organize my thoughts by just getting them out on "paper"... or on keyboard.  also, i think cutting $50 a month from groceries is $600 a year.  and most people in the circles I run with could use the extra $600.  

happy shopping and happy SAVINGS!!

-Ren

Couple's Retreat

Ben and I currently attend The Moody Church.  We have been so blessed by this church in many ways, one of which is our Sunday School class, Covenant.  The class is advertised for newly weds, although there are some couples who have been married 10+ years.  There are probably 40 couples there on any given Sunday, but maybe a total of 60+ in the group.  The class teaches all sorts of things, from typical marriage topics to Revelation-- currently, we're in a study of the book of James.  Socially, the group organizes all sorts of things from basketball tournaments to women's retreats to book clubs to BBQs.  Each year they have a retreat in the spring, which we attended last weekend.  As we have never been on a couple's retreat before, we had no idea what to expect (although I was pretty sure there would not be crazy middle-of-the-night games like the junior high retreats of my past!)  We were blown away!  It was fun and refreshing.  The perfect balance of free time and organized activities.  A time to relax with your spouse, and get to know other couples better.  However, what I want to focus on in this post is the speaker... Jerry Root.

Jerry Root is a professor from Wheaton College who has spent most of his adult life studying C.S. Lewis, and is therefore often called upon to speak about the life of Lewis.  Since Lewis doesn't have a lot to say about marriage, his talks were broader than just focusing on the life of Lewis.  He opened the weekend by saying that if C.S. Lewis is a distraction from God - if we are so interested in this man and his books and whatnot - then we might as well quit and just read the Bible.  But if Lewis points us to His God, the God of the Universe, and the Savior of the World, then his books are worth reading, because it is really Lewis' God that is of utmost importance.  [Good to remember in general, since we, well I, seem to have the tendency to focus on a particular pastor or speaker or author or whoever...]

I cannot possibly articulate everything Mr. Root talked about in one blog post, nor can I articulate it as profoundly as he does.  (The man is an amazing story-teller and gifted speaker for sure, although you have to turn on your C.S. Lewis, A.W. Tozer, Plato listening skills, if you know what I mean...  If you don't know what I mean, he opened with "Reality is iconoclastic."  So, now do you know what I mean...?

My take-away from the first session: 1 Cor. 2:16 states "We have the mind of Christ" (talking about believers).  Root pointed out that having the mind of Christ is not an achievement, it is a resource, a resource which we can use by choice.  As a believer, I have the mind of Christ to discern, to understand, to gain wisdom, to learn...

Take-away from the second session: Obedience is taking advantage of God's omniscience.  He knows the beginning from the end; He loves me; then He tells me what to do.  Obedience seems to be a sensible, proper response.  He differentiated between wisdom (Hebrew-hockma) and understanding (beema).  The difference between wisdom from prohibition (hockma) and understanding why.  I.E. When you're little, you don't run in the streets because your parents told you not to (hockma- wisdom from prohibition), but when you get older, you realize the impact of cars, and bad drivers, and ... you get it (beema).
2nd Takeaway- We need to extend forgiveness and the "high courtesy of heaven" to our spouse.  Root explained the "high courtesy of heaven" as saying my life for you NOT your life for me.  I am still processing what that looks like in marriage... long term and day to day.
3rd Takeaway - There is a Satanic opposition to destroy our marriage.  We must work hard to fight.

5 months

Today is the 5 month-iversary for Ben and I :)

Woohoo!!!!

5 months ago to the day, we committed our love and faithfulness to one another...

This was one passage we had read at our wedding (Colossians 3:12-17)
 ¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
 ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


We have by no means perfected all that (good thing we have a lifetime together), but we are walking through life side by side now.  

5 months down, a life time to go.   

Celebrating the best 5 months of my life,
-Ren